Victim/Survivor Stories

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Why Victim/Survivor Stories?

Victim/Survivor Stories allow victims and survivors of severely violent crimes an unfettered opportunity to talk about the pain and grief and anguish and anger that they have experienced and endured, often in silence, as a result of choices and actions by the offenders who committed those crimes. Listening to these survivors allows those who may not have experienced such victimization to understand something of what these innocent victims have lost, what they now have to carry, and how they live with the trauma and post-traumatic stress of such violence and  violation. Survivors’ stories, shared with such courage, are a gift to us all.

Below, you’ll find links Victim Survivor Stories gathered from the web.

And here is an invitation: If you’re aware of a particular Victim/Survivor Story video or audio or text link that you feel we should consider including here, please don’t hesitate to let us know. The power of these Stories in helping all of us understand how violent crime impacts victims/survivors is invaluable.

Be sure to refresh this page if you’ve visited here before, as the links to Statements may have been updated.


 


Survivors of Homicide Victims
Victim/Survivor Stories

Intentional Murder

Marcheta Tanner

Aftermath of Murder
11:26 min.
Marcheta’s son Trevor was murdered in 2004 in a case of mistaken identity during a contract killing. Trevor was in the passenger seat of a vehicle when he was rushed by 2 people and taken captive, then murdered. This devastating loss has changed Marcheta’s family forever.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Feeling the whole thing must be a mistake.
  • Her trying to make sense of this.
  • Secondary Victimization by the Offender’s plea bargain with the state.
  • What her grieving process has been.
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of her son’s murder.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?
Katie Parent 16:19 min.
Katie’s mother was stabbed by her personal care attendant when she was 18 years old.  She filmed this YouTube video when she was thirty-three.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she reacted when she first learned of her mother’s murder.
  • Her ongoing anger about the offenders whole presence in her mother’s life.
  • How quickly she describes all the stab wounds her mother suffered.
  • Her disbelief in how the offender acted after he killed her mother.
  • The anger at his acquittal and the court process and her sense of injustice over it.
  • How even seeing the offender made her feel like she almost had a miscarriage.
  • How long the impacts, aftereffects and trauma have lasted.
  • The myriad ways this violent crime impacted her and how she tried to deal with the trauma.
  • What she thinks is really important for helping a person who is dealing with the murder of a loved one.
Samantha J. Boyle 32:35 min.
Samantha ‘s brother, Wayne, was murdered by one of a large group of men attacking a neighbor/friend’s house. He had blunt force wound to the chin and and was stabbed through his diaphragm into his heart. She gives this narrative nine years after he died.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she struggles with the language around the death and telling.
  • How her sense of time is impacted.
  • Her acute memory for the details of that last day of normalcy.
  • Her struggle to put the details of the crime into order.
  • Her detailed knowledge of the wounds that killed him.
  • The impacts on her body and sleep.
  • What her experience was right after the murder.
  • Secondary Victimization by the Media, the Police, and the Courts.
  • Long term impacts on her.
Carol De DelleyAftermath of Murder 
11:59 min.
Carol’s son Timothy McLean was brutally murdered while traveling home on a bus.  A stranger for no reason stabbed him well over 100 times and desecrated his body.   Carol shares of the horrific details of her son’s murder including decapitation and the attacker eating her son’s eyes.  Gruesomeness of the murder made headlines all over the world.  The offender was found “not criminally responsible” due to his mental status.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How Carol first found out about the murder.
  • Her physical reaction to the details.
  • The way in which she recounts the details of his murder.
  • Secondary Victimization by the Police, the Media, and the Courts.
  • What her grieving process has been.
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of her son’s murder.
“SayySoFlyy

15:00 min.
“SayySoFlyy’s” younger brother was murdered the day before he recorded this video. While it is raw, with expletives, it is a good example of the immediate impact of the murder of a love one and what changes in a person from one day to the next.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Pressure to try to be happy, strong, and for everything to be good.
  • The impact of having to tell his family.
  • How he tries to share who his brother is to him.
  • His feeling of responsibility for not protecting and for the murder itself.

Serial Killer Victims

Ray King Sr.
Aftermath of Murder
11:27 min.
Ray’s son, Ray King Jr., was murdered at age fifteen by Serial Killer Clifford Olsen.  This Interview takes place 33 years after his son’s death.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he notified about his son’s death.
  • Language used to describe that moment.
  • Secondary Victimization by the Media, and the Investigators.
  • His attempt to live normally after the murder.
  • How long it took for him to talk about the murder.
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of his son’s murder.
  • What has he lost, and what is he carrying?

Child Kidnap/Rape/Murder

Wilma DerksenAftermath of Murder
11:42 min.
In 1984m Wilma’s 13-year-old daughter, Candace Derksen, was abducted and murdered in Winnipeg Manitoba.  Candace was on her way home from school when she was kidnapped and her body was found weeks later near her home.  This 2014 interview gives a survivor’s view on this high profile murder. She is very articulate and from this experience, she wrote the book Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence –The Victim’s Journey Through the 15 Elements of Serious Crime.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The immediate impacts Wilma experienced.
  • What it was like for her to “choose” forgiveness.
  • Her description of some of the 15 element of Serious Crime.
  • That she cannot offer much beyond despair, if
  • How it was for her to finally have the murderer apprehended and charged.
  • How she describes how anger lives in her.
  • What, if anything, has Wilma done to help her live with the loss of Candace.

Violent Behaviors/Unintended Murder

Facilitator Training Introductory Case Study 
Myrtle
Victim Impact:
Listen & Learn
2:58 min.
Myrtle’s daughter, was stabbed and killed, while she was trying to break up a fight.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How incomprehensible it is for her that someone could kill thoughtlessly.
  • The one sentence that seemed to impact her most.
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of her daughter’s homicide.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?  Tell us here!

Drunk Driving/Unintended Murder

Markita Kaulius

Aftermath of Murder
10:22 min.
Markita’s 22 year old daughter, Kassandra Kaulius, was killed by a drunk driver who was driving over 100 km per hour.   By listening to Markita it is clear that what some would consider an “accident” she knows as homicide.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How many people were impacted by this.
  • How the detail of the crash are shared, and or understood.
  • Secondary Victimization by leniency of the sentence.opens in a new tab)
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of her daughter’s murder.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?
Shanice Clark
7:00 min.
Fifteen year old Shanice lost her eighteen year old brother to a drunk driver, a few days before she filmed this video.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she is trying to integrate and share the details of the accident.
  • How her emotions fluctuate between grief and anger.
  • Her knowledge that life will never be the same.
  • Her attention to how justice will be served in the case of losing her brother.
  • How she is trying to help her self get through this.
Cindi

Victim Impact:
Listen & Learn
3:37 min.
Cindi herself was injured and her infant daughter, Laura, was paralyzed and eventually died from her injuries by being hit head on by a drunk driver in an early morning crash.  The driver had already had three prior drunk driving arrests.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The extensive details of the physical impacts on her daughter and her self.
  • How she strives to remember her daughter in light.
  • The hatred and revenge she felt and how she dealt with it.
  • Her straight forward attitude about the wrongness of this crime.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying? Tell us here!

 No Offender Accountability Murder/Homicide

Bonnie

 18:29 min.
Bonnie’s best friend, Carrie, was assaulted in 2015, and in 2017 eventually died from complications of living with the assault induced traumatic brain injury.  The charge (Assault with the Intent to do Serious Bodily Harm) against the man who admitted to assaulting Carrie was dismissed because she never regained the ability to talk, and therefore could not testify. This emotional video was made right after Bonnie received her best friend’s ashes in the mail.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Everything that Bonnie and Carrie lost as a result of the assault.
  • How Bonnie has a sense of guilt for being optimistic with her friend.
  • How Bonnie relates to the offender not being held accountable.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?

Intended/Attempted Murder

Mindy Finkelstein

4:26 min.

Mindy is a Victim/Survivor of a mass shooting at the North Valley Jewish Community Center where she was a summer camp counselor.  She shares her story sixteen years after the incident This buzz feed video, starts with a commercial, and is produced, with background music and sound effects, but we include it because it gives voice long term impact of surviving.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How often is Mindy impacted by this experience.
  • How she relates to being told what her experience is.
  • What triggers she has to endure.opens in a new tab)
  • What, If anything, has helped in the aftermath of her experience.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?
Jennifer Asbenson

55:58 min.

Jennifer, at the age of 19, was kidnapped, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted and barely survived an intended/attempted murder by a serial killer who killed 8 other women. This is Jennifer’s personal YouTube story, filmed in 2016 exactly 24 years after her abduction, torture, and escape from serial killer Andrew Urdiales in the very spot in desert where he had taken her.  Her story has been told in the media, but this is her own telling, in her own voice.  It a long terrifying journey.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she is still living this terrifying experience.
  • The way she recounts taking a ride from this man.
  • How she could not process what was happening as it turned bad.
  • How the story comes in a reliving this experience again.
  • The variations of survival tactics tried throughout her ordeal.
  • What the results were of not being believed, and worse yet, dismissed.
Will Beck
18:00 min.
 
Will was one of the first people to see at Columbine when the shootings took place and witnessed a boy a few feet away from him get shot when the shooters were still outside. He retreated to inside the school and hid with friends until they found their way out.  This video is 18 years after the tragedy.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The way he remembers some things in detail and others have disappeared.
  • What soothed him in the immediate aftermath of the trauma.
  • How after all these years, he still is emotional when retelling what happened.
  • How often he thought about the story of Columbine in the immediate years after the shooting.
  • The importance of telling his story.
  • What if anything was helpful for Will in his grief.
Craig Nason
4:37 min.
 
Craig shares the impact of being a survivor of the Columbine School Shooting twenty years after the crime.  This is an important exploration of the long-term impacts of being that close to being a victim of murder, as well as a survivor where other’s were, in fact, murdered.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What it was like to be baracaded in a small room with many students all of them thinking this may be the last moments of their lives.
  • The trauma of being safe when others were not.
  • His deep felt sense that he will always be a survivor of this.
  • How NOT having PTSD comes with its own guilt, because others suffer from it.
  • What helped Craig deal with the grief.

Assault/Robbery Victims/Survivors
Victim/Survivor Stories


Mistaken Identity Assault

Facilitator Training Introductory Case Study
Alan

Victim Impact:
Listen & Learn
3:39 min.
Alan was approached and violently attacked with a baseball bat by a stranger in the alley outside his building in a case of mistaken identity assault.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note: .
  • How he describes life before and after the assault.
  • The physical and emotional impacts of this senseless assault.
  • What has Alan lost, and what is he carrying? Tell us here!

Home Invasion /Burglary/Breaking & Entering

Susan Wachowich Three Videos
13:47 min.
Susan was a victim/survivor of a horrendous home invasion while staying with a friend in a quiet suburb in Canada.  In the first video, one week after the crime, Susan shares the horrific details and immediate impacts of this invasion and assault.  It appears that the offenders were never charged with her assault, though they were charged and imprisoned for two subsequent robberies and murders of convenience store clerks.
— Six months later, Susan posts My Face Hurts from the Home Invasion about a trip to the dentist.  3:57 min.
— She further shares Home Invasion Update: The Bad News Never Seems to End.  8:29 min.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she realizes it could have happened to anyone.
  • How she navigates her captivity to try to remain alive
  • Her coping strategy  in telling the story.
  • How her second and third video reveal the longer term emotional, medical and financial impacts.
Connor Frata

14:02 min.
 
Connor’s home was broken into.  He describes the immediate and ongoing impacts of coming home while his house was in the process of being burglarized.   The man had shattered a door in the house to gain entry and ran away when Connor showed up.  While no physical violence occurred, we include this because a brush with  potential physical attack and the impacts from the violation of a burglary is often minimized from those who have not experienced it.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What was Connor’s immediate response?
  • How does he describe it’s effect on him.
  • What has Connor lost, and what is he carrying?

Carjacking/Robbed at Gunpoint or Knifepoint

Yoseli 
 
36:23 min.
Yoseli and her boyfriend were carjacked at gunpoint. She filmed the video about three months after the carjacking.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Her reflection on how her life was threatened.
  • The complexity of her feelings toward the offenders.
  • The fluctuation of her emotions as she tells the story.
  • Her disbelief that it was happening and her resistance to do anything.
  • How she tries to come to terms with the value of her life meaning so little.
Nick Aguilera

17:24 min.
Nick was robbed at gunpoint by two men who called for a taxi.  Upon entry to his taxi, one immediate put a gut to his head, while the other restrained him from the back and punched him.  He tells his story one week after the robbery and assault.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he was trying to walk the line of survival and not giving them everything.
  • The emotions and physical effects during and immediately after the robbery.
  • How he talks around the fact that in the moment his life was threatened.
  • How the police treated the incident and his reaction.
  • What emotion is most present in him a week after being assault and robbed.
Michelle Khare

10:46 min.
Michelle was robbed at knife point and in this short video she give the story of the attack and its short and long-term impacts and how she responded to being a victim/survivor of a robbery at knife point.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she felt stupid for becoming a victim.
  • How the fear paralyzed her.
  • What it was like for her.
  • Her reporting the crime to the police experience.
  • The immediate impacts of the crime.

Relational/Intimate Partner/Domestic Violence
Assault/Murder/Attempted Murder
Victim/Survivor Stories


DV/IPV Murder

 Donna IrwinAftermath of Murder
12:13 min.
Donna’s 55-year old sister, Lynn Kalmring, was shot in close range in 2011 by her finance, a former RCMP officer, while in their home.

Survivor Impact Areas to Note:

  • The impact of her how her sister’s clothing was delivered.
  • How she and her family reacted the detailed description of her sister’s murder.
  • What the court process was like for her.
  • Secondary Victimization by the Media, and the Courts.
  • Long term impacts on her.
Alexis Taylor

News4 WSMV Nashville
Uncut Interview

30:16 min.
One Year Later
2:48 min.
Alexis gives a narrative of the night that her mother, Mayra Garcia, and her 13-year-old brother, Jayden Taylor, were stabbed to death, while she too was stabbed by her mother’s abusive on-and-off-boyfriend, Jermaine Agee.  Alexis recounts the terrifying details in this interview filmed about a week after the murders, and her attempted murder.  Jermaine had kicked in the door on their house at 2:00 in the morning, grabbed a kitchen knife from the counter, and started going room to room to kill the entire family.  Th second video, a short interview filmed one year later, is provided to give a small idea, of what life is like for Alexis one year later, as she prepares to testify in court.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The relentlessness of Jermaine’s harassment and abuse of Mayra, add her family.
  • The roller coaster of emotions she went through during the attack.
  • The sheer terror, and confusion of that night. How she seems to be seeing it all happen again as she gives the interview with a brave face.
  • How helpless she was during the whole ordeal.
  • How he was still accusing and manipulative even as he was determined to kill them all.
  • In the second video, what the long-term impacts does she share.
Nikki

20:53 min.

Nikki’s sister, Tabitha Brock was murdered by her intimate partner Eugene in front of their four year old son.  While historically, he was coercive, verbally and emotionally abusive.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Her knowing the exact time she got the call that changed her life came.
  • Sharing her self insight that she will always cry when she tells the story.
  • How some sense of time becomes warped and how some details are clear, some are blurred.
  • The sense injustice for the amount of time he will actually spend in prison.
  • What angered Nikki the most about the murder itself.
  • The extent of the effects of the murder of her sister on her.
  • What has she lost and what is she carrying?
  • What if anything helped her get through this horrid situation.
Lydia P.


35:10 min.

Lydia P. advocates for awareness and prevention of Domestic Violence and Assault.  She grew up in a household where domestic violence was ever present.  Her birth father was violent toward her mother.  She herself was abused as a teen by her step-father, and her sister was later murdered by her boyfriend.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How the abuse was inter-generational.
  • That almost three decades had passed since her sister was killed, and it is still hard for her to talk about her sister’s death.
  • How details of specific incidents of domestic violence stayed in her mind for all these years.
  • How her mother was being abused by her step-father, but she and her sisters had not seen it.
  • When she stood up for her mother, her step-father beat her.
  • How her older sister would not put up with her step-father’s abuse but got into an abusive relationship.
  • The slowness of voice in describing the slightest of details of her sister’s murder.
  • That the impacts and after effects in her own life, was not a replication of physical abuse but came in the form of a man who cheated.
  • Her commitment to helping others that are in an abusive relationship.

 

DV/IPV Coercive Control, Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse/Assault Violence
& Intended/Attempted  Murder

Facilitator Training Introductory Case Study
Rebel

Victim Impact:

Listen & Learn
3:43 min.
Rebel’s husband was verbally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive over a number of years and finally threatened to have her killed.  This short video provides a perfect example of all a victim/survivor of DV/IPV goes through.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note: .
  • How it was difficult for her to admit she was a “victim” of Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence.
  • What are all the ways in which he violated their relationship.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying?Tell us here!
Danielle Victor

 44:35 min.
Danielle was an abusive relationship for a few years which started when she was seventeen years old, when she was a senior in high school.  He was twenty-three.  She had not been in a long term relationship prior to this one. It is raw, and, full of everyday language and emotion and is a longer exploration of how a relationship develops with an abusive man.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How her whole life became ruined.
  • What “red-flags” she recognizes when looking back on their relationship. opens in a new tab)
  • That he insisted she do what he wanted, but never gave her what she really wanted.
  • How she tries to get it into her head to listen to herself.
  • Her disbelief about how bad it was.
  • How the abuse continued even as she tried to distance herself from him.
Thee_CandaceRose

32:42 min.

Candace Rose was in a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship with a man named David for some time, She tried to break up with him multiple times, but she was called back into it repeatedly.  Eventually, an unknown shooter sprayed her car with bullets, and she was shot in the leg.  For sometime, she did not know why she was shot, or who shot her.  In the end, she found out it was her estrange boyfriend David.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What is the pattern that comes up when she describes her relationship with her boyfriend David.
  • After she was shot, the traumatic impacts and after effects she experienced.
  • The regrets she has.
  • What emotion colors the tone of this narrative about her experience.
Katlyn Riley

32:42 min.

Kate became involved with an abusive boyfriend after she returned home from her military dream job and later injury which forced her to leave.  When she came home, she went into a rebellious phase of her life and that is when she met her tattoo-artist boyfriend.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The yellow flags that she saw before the relationship became extremely abusive.
  • How he made her feel loved.
  • How he had two names, and had a “bad-boy” personality.
  • The appearance of a gun next to her bedside, when he moved in.
  • The abuse cycle that she describes.
  • How she saw herself change, into someone who was violent herself.
  • The warning signs of an extremely violent attack when she told him that they were not going to be in relationship or live together anymore.
  • How she was in denial that he could actually harm her. 
  • Some traits she believes made her vulnerable to his abuse.
  • That he has not ceased his violent behavior and manipulation even after harming her.

 

DV/IPV Rape

Oliver Quinn 

15:10 min.
Oliver gives the story of her rape by her partner, and how she stayed with him afterward.  At first, she was a consenting partner, but it began to hurt, so she begged him to stop, but he just ignored her.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she demeans her own writing on the subject.
  • The time it took for her to realize it happened, and then to try to prosecute it.
  • Her deep knowing that she said no, and no, and he ignored her.
  • Her motivation for making the video.
  • Where she went during the assault and what happened after the assault.
  • How she tries to make sense of her own behavior, and not so much his behavior.
  • What has she lost, and what is she now carrying.
Lauren Asheley

26:49 min.

Lauren was raped by her “boyfriend”
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How many times she said, “no.”
  • How she tried to “get it together” so no body would know.
  • The self-blame that she feels.
  • The constant denial of her “boyfriend”
  • How she didn’t press charges so as to not ruin his life, though he ruined hers.
  • The range of emotions and aftereffects that she experienced.

 

Sexual Assault
Victim/Survivor Stories

 

Acquaintance Rape

Devin

4:26 min.

Devin had a crush on her manager from work, and was delighted when he invited her to come to his apartment after she was done at a party.  She found him there very drunk, and tried to put him to bed.  What she got was raped instead.  This is a LadyLike video filmed as a contribution to a Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Month.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How stunned she was that it was happening, and left her body.
  • How she could not respond when it was over.
  • The complexity of her feelings and actions over feeling responsible.  opens in a new tab)
  • How she divided herself in order to cope.
  • How his being an acquaintance, and his being drunk, made her question if it was rape.
  • How she searched for and worked on regaining her power.

ForeverHilaryy

20:52 min.

 

ForeverHilaryy was raped by a date who she invited into her room to hang out.  She goes into detail about how she froze into submission.  She made this as part of the “#metoo” movement.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she couldn’t understand that what happened to her as rape.
  • How she coped before she chose to actually talk about it.
  • The details of how his questions led her believe he knew what he was going to do.
  • Her description of the freeze response in trying come up with a way to get out of any kind of sexual or physical relation with him.
  • What was it about the rape that makes her angry, and the most angry.
  • What triggered her needing to share this story.
  • The long term impacts are of this one day.
Amy

WTNH News8 Interview
30:03 min.
Amy is victim/survivor of violent rape and attempted/intended murder by Jose Angel MorenoHernandez, who was a bartender at the restaurant where she worked, but who was basically an unknown acquaintance who had asked her for a ride home for work, which she agreed to do. She gave this interview with WTNH news 3 years after the rape.  In the first 20 minutes of the interview the victim/survivor gives a detailed account attack, and in the last 10 minutes she shares the long term impacts of what Jose Angle Moreno-Hernandez chose to do. 
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What her experience of the court system and the trial was like.
  • What long term emotions she struggles with.
  • What are the long-term medical and body impacts.
  • How she sleeps at night.
  • What has helped her.
  • What has she lost, what is she carrying, and what is she seeking?

Stranger Sexual Assault

Facilitator Training Introductory Case Study
Debbie Smith

Victim Impact:

Listen & Learn
4:50 min.
Debbie was at home, went outside to check a dryer vent, had left her door unlocked, and a man dragged her to the woods behind her home and robbed and raped her.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note: .
  • How the rape effected not just Debbie, but everyone in her family.
  • The struggle she went trough to makes sense of it happening.
  • The long-term impacts.
  • How long she had to live without know who he was.
  • What has she lost, and what is she carrying? Tell us here!
“maryeng1

12:36 min.
In 2002, Maryeng1 was abducted from behind a cafe where she was being harassed.  She was taken to an apartment where two people attempted raped her, and one succeeded.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Her talking about how she looked as a lesbian.
  • Her attempts to stop the actual rape from occurring.
  • The details she gives of the environment of a the rape.
  • How the offenders dealt with her hysterical response.
  • Her physical reaction to the rapes,
  • How police and medical professionals treated her.

Nina Lang

32:42 min.

Nina was sexually assaulted in a public swimming area  at the beach when she was a late teen.  An older man part of a group of boys and men who were horsing around with her group.  This is a good example of how sexual assault by a stranger does not always come in one type of package.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Why she hesitated making the video.
  • How she almost couldn’t make tell the story.
  • That she feels responsible for not staying with her friends.
  • How she froze and was unable to fight to get away.  And the way she did eventually did scream and talk him into try to get away.
  • How difficult it is for her to describe what happened.
  • What has Nina lost, and what is she carrying.

Vel Perez

28:29 min.

Vel was on a night out with a friend and her mother and her mother’s boyfriend.  After her mother and mom’s boyfriend left, she and her friend stayed at the bar to dance.  A guy in a group of guys drugged her drink, abducted her, raped her, and she barely escaped.  She used a cell phone to connect with her family.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she doesn’t even know how to start her story, and how physical reactions are still apparent.
  • That prior to her experience she never thought something like this could happen to her.
  • Her awareness of handing her drink over to someone in retrospect, but her trust of this before she had turned it over.
  • That she had to stop in the re-telling.
  • How quickly she was abducted into a horrible reality.
  • How it hit her that she could actually be killed, and all her approaches to survive the situation.
  • How says “she had never cried about this before.”
  • That she felt shame and disgusting over what happened TO her.
  • Her advice for others.
  • The impacts and after effects of her experience and the fear that the offenders could still come back.

High School Acquaintance Rape

Madison Weiss

19:42 min.

Raped at a high school party, never told anyone for five years.  This is the first time she spoke about it in public. An Ulzi Video story, shared as part of the Me-too movement.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Note how she was frozen, and how silence stayed with her.
  • How offender normalizes his behavior.
  • What was it like for her to have to give in.
  • How his comment about his sheets still rattles her.
  • The guilt she has been carrying.
  • What are all the things she lost?
Lena

29:24 min.
Raped by long-term friend at age 13 and was raped again by this same boy at a party where she was black-out drunk.  Tells her story within the context of the #MEtoo movement when she is 22.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • That she uses humor as a coping mechanism.
  • Her sense of betrayal.
  • How the offender tried to normalize his behavior,
  • Her initial confusing about it being rape, and it being her fault.
  • How she is using the telling of her story to empower herself.
  • How despite not wanting to be vulnerable to this friend’s actions again, it happened twice with the same person. And how angry that she was that none of her friends pulled her away from him though she was blackout drunk.
Chessy Prout
10:16 min.
Raped as a freshman by senior at St. Paul’s Episcopal High School, as part of a “senior salute tradition” in which seniors pick a girl who they always wanted “hook up” with.  She has become an advocate for other rape victims, and this story has been “curated” within the platform of “People” magazine.  Hoping to help other high school students, Chessy wrote the book I Have the Right To: A High School Survivor’s Story of Sexual Assault, Justice, and Hope.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What she says about “freezing”  during the rape.
  • What angers her most about the sexual assault.
  • How schoolmates and the school itself treated her after the assault.
  • How she felt about the court process and outcome.
  • What has she lost and what is she carrying?

Campus Date/Acquaintance Rape

Aspen Matis
RealWomen/RealStories
6:48 min.
Raped in her dorm room on her second day of college, by a fellow freshman who she was actually interested in.  She said, “no.”
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • opens in a nHow she remembers specific details.
  • How hard it was to admit to herself that she had actually been raped.
  • How she felt from not being believed.
  • The extent she went to feel safe, to get over the rape.
Haileigh

20:48 min.
Raped her first week in college.  He was the first person she had met at college.  He was a junior.  She really liked him and he blew her off, initially.  There was a sorority party with his fraternity and she was drunk with four shots of vodka as a novice drinker, before she even went to the party.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • opens in a nHow she made herself vulnerable by liking this person.
  • His persistence at trying to get her to acquiesce to sex.
  • How many times she said no.
  • How drunk she was and how she describes it as having “sex” with him.
  • That her ideal of losing her virginity helped her to understand that him having sex with her even though she said no and
  • That she did not report because she did not want to see him again.
  • The impact and aftereffects of her sexual assault, including isolating herself, self-blame, physical aftereffects.
Jada Cook

28:36 min.

Jada was raped her first week in college by an just met acquaintance who she allowed to give her a massage.  She challenged him, but then gave in.  After this had happened, her response was to go toward the perpetrator rather than away.  She went into an ongoing sexual relationship with him.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How her rapist used consensual touch to gain domination. (opens in a new tab)
  • That she froze and went numb, and was totally confused by what happened.
  • How she keeps having to protect her story, by saying, “you don’t know what you would do unless you experienced it.”
  • That her coping mechanism to losing her first sexual experience to rape was to have an ongoing relationship with the perpetrator rather than away, resulting in essentially an on going, prolonged sexual assault environment.
  • How consensual sex and rape got all intertwined as the “relationship” went on, until she finally stood up to him and said no and if he did not stop she would scream.  and when he said that is what he wanted, she realized she was not safe with him.
  • That it took two years for her to understand what happened to her.
  • How her body remembered the assault three years later when after seeing the perpetrator for the first time since cutting it off,  it went into full panic attack.

Drug Facilitated Rape

the_letter_0

16:14 min.

The_letter_o went to a friend’s house and was given one small drink, which should not have made her drunk or feel as disoriented as she began to feel.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • That even though she has told the story many times, she is still at a loss for words to describe what happened.
  • How after she started to feel really tired, and lays down, and the next thing she remembers is waking up in her bed the next morning.
  • How she learns about her violation from an outside friend.
  • What emotions she moves through try to cope with the worst of the violation.
  • What has she lost and what is she carrying?
HelloKesh

49:05 min. 
HelloKesh posted this video on December 31, 2019, five years after she was raped by two men, an acquaintance and a stranger, after they invited her over for a drink and drugged a small shot of alcohol.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she struggles with the “telling” aspect, of not talking about, feeling like she has to, and emphasizing she is not talking about it for attention.
  • How her trusting and inexperienced nature led her to not acting on some red flags.
  • What it was like to be unable to move but able to see and hear everything.
  • The incomprehensible nature of what was happening.
  • How she compares this experience to others in her life.
  • Her body language as she tells the story.
  • What after effects she talks about.
  • How she struggles with it feeling like it was her fault.

Male Rape

Sam Thompson
Unilad Segment
3:46 min.
Sam was separated from some friends at a bar, and started talking to a group of people; he went with them to have a drink in a hotel room.  Ultimately, he was left alone with two men who raped him.  Sam Thompson has become an advocate for awareness and prevention of male rape.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he thought he was safe because he was a man.
  • That he could not fight back, even though the rapes continued over two hours.
  • His initial response, after it was over.
  • How difficult it was for him to tell his girlfriend.
  • The secondary wounds by police treatment after reporting.
  • Long term impacts and after effects.  (see another video here)
Landon Wilcock

Landon does not detail the sexual assault that was perpetrated upon him by “people”.   He details his life after the assault and
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The immediate after-effect of the rape.  Where he starts the story.
  • All the physical, emotional, behavioral after effects of the rape.
  • How much pressure the image of a guys’ guy, put upon his own sense of being.
  • The role of denial in “recovering” from the rape.
  • How it took him multiple times to begin to talk about the rape.
Jonathan

11:16 min.

Jonathan was groomed by a male stranger into a long-time acquaintance and friendship.  One day this friend put drugs in his drink and raped him.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The grooming process he was subjected to and the process through which of the offender gaining trust and access.
  • The long term impacts and after effects of being drugged and raped.
  • How he immediately knew he had been drugged, but unable to get help.
  • His experience of disorientation and disbelief after waking up with severe pain and this “friend” gone and no memory.
  • The change in his persona after the rape.
  • How long the impacts have lasted and how he blames himself for trusting this man.
Alex

6:05 min.

Alex was raped by a friend who stayed over in his dorm room.  This video is part of a Teen Vogue sexual assault series, in which readers read the stories of a person who had been raped.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How when you are listening in the beginning, the gender of the voice is unclear.
  • How he said no, and he wanted him to stop.
  • How helpless he was, and how he froze in disbelief that it was actually happening.
  • The impacts and after effects of the rape.
  • What the complications are of being a man who was raped.

Glopu

18:39 min.

Glopu was a victim of acquaintance rape while he was overseas from his native country India, while he was living in Japan.  The rapist was from his area of India and he felt at home with this man, talking about home, and in his native language.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • His question: “why do we keep quiet?”
  • How he was forced to sniff “poppers.”
  • That it all happened so quickly that he could not respond.
  • His anger about the reaction of people, “you need to be more careful.”
  • How hard it would have been for him to report.
  • That he had been shamed within twenty minutes of the assault and how he felt that as a secondary victimization.
  • How he had experienced other sexual assaults and violations.
  • How he wants society to address potential rapists, rather than rape victims.
  • His sense of powerlessness and helplessness.

 

Military Sexual Assault

Michael Matthew

4:58 min.

Michael was in the Airforce where he met his wife.  He did not talk about his sexual assault for many years.  In 1972, as a squad leader, was struck, knocked out, with two guys holding him down, and another pulling his pants down.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How long it took him to tell anyone.
  • How the group of men threatened Michael after they had raped him.  opens in a new tab)
  • How hard it was to share with anyone what had happened to him.
  • What his wife felt like after she found out what happened.
  • What if felt like after he finally was able to tell his story.
Michelle Jones

The Guardian Video
12:15 min.

Michelle, was rapped by her squad leader, after a barracks party in which many people spilled over into her room.  She wanted to go to sleep so she asked everyone to leave.  Her squad leader refused. She opted to just go to sleep instead of confront him.   This is a Guardian Video.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How rank and relationship effected the way she responded to his not leaving.
  • What detail stays with her, and still triggers her trauma if she hears it.
  • The slow, precise manner she uses to be able to share specific details.
  • The silence she needed to get to trying to explain how she reacted during the attack.
  • The after effects she lived through.
  • How the system treated her.
  • What did she lose, and what has she had to carry?

Terry

Protect Our Defenders Video
9:22 min.

Terry was violently, brutally, attacked, raped, tortured, and left for dead by a long-time friend, a high ranking NCO after a beach party, where he offered to walk her apartment to keep her safe.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The tone of her description in a hopeless slowness.
  • What happened when she went to report the crime.
  • The phrases used against Terry to disempower her from reporting.
  • The impacts and after effects she experienced when she we went back her apartment/scene of the crime.
  • What are the secondary wounds that Terry experienced by lack of support.

 

Human Trafficking Survivors

Three human trafficking survivors


58:34 min.

Interview with three human trafficking survivors by victim advocate at U.C. Davis. This video helps us to understand how victims/survivors can be exploited when they are young, not even realizing that they are being manipulated due to a variety of personal and environmental factors which make them vulnerable into seemingly consensual relationships with trusted adults which abruptly turn into being sold for sex to other men.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How important it is to get survivor voices into the conversation.
  • How exploiters take advantage of teen vulnerabilities, such as problems with family and drug addiction.
  • How exploiters tend to position themselves as a savior, or a legitimate business person, at first, and then when the victim/survivor is vulnerable put them into service.
  • How a victim impact statement returned some power to Jessica.
  • That prior/childhood trauma and exploitation and manipulation make the teens more vulnerable to exploitation.
  • That exploiters talk to potential targets in a way to gather vulnerabilities, and determine ways to isolate from friends and family.
  • How aggressive the exploiters become to control their targets into submission.
Dellena

CASE Act.org video

13:54 min.

Dellena was in a lifetime of abuse and being trafficked for sex.  From family members to strangers, she was sold for sex until the age of thirty.  While this is a pro
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How hard it was to get out of the situation.
  • The age at which this began for her and who first trafficked her.
  • How drugs eventually became part of the cycle of being trafficked.

Theresa Flores

WMUR Interview
20:59 min.

This Human Trafficking Victim was blackmailed when she was a teen by a boy who she liked who drugged her, raped her, took photos of the incident and then forced her into being sex trafficked to get the photos back/get them to keep quiet.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • What factors led to her keeping quiet about what was happening to her.
  •  Who the perpetrators of trafficking were.
  • Why she even kept quiet, after being returned home by the police, bloodied and bruised after having been
  • How she got out of being trafficked.
  • How long it took her to tell her family, what had happened and their reaction.
  • How she didn’t even know the name of what happened to her.

Back to Quick Links

Childhood/Adolescent Sexual Abuse and Assault
Victim/Survivor Stories

Trusted-Adult Sexual Abuse/Assault

Courtney Blue

21:13 min.
Courtney, at age 13, was abused/assaulted by a trusted long-term friend of the family who was twenty-two years old at the time of the violation.  She filmed this video ten years after the rape.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The vocabulary she uses to describe what the violation was.
  • How she froze, felt powerless, and could not move or scream.
  • That she remembers all the details and their haunting effect.
  • How for years she felt it was her fault.
  • How she stayed silent after the assault.
  • All impacts and aftereffects that she suffered, and her attempts to overcome them.
  • The emotions she still carries after all this time.
“Ash Cash”

15:59 min.

“Ash”, at age twelve, was groomed, molested, and then raped by her best friend’s father.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How just beginning to talk about it brought out strong emotions.
  • How the offender “tested” Ash and her response by inappropriate touching.
  • Her reactions when she started to talk about the day he actually raped her.
  • How her body froze, and by the time she was able to react, he was done.
  • Her excuses to go home, just so she would stay safe.
  • How long she stayed silent, and the reasons she stayed silent.
  • Her advice for those who are experiencing inappropriate touch.
Megan R. Wesby 33:31 min.
Megan, at age eleven, was sexually abused by a thirty-two year old friend of her father, who became a boarder in her room, and predator, whom she liked because of his grooming.  She is a strong voice for knowledge and education for prevention within a family.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • That even though she is a strong voice, she was still hesitant to share the story of her molestation.
  • How strong her voice is for victims/survivors to tell someone, and for adults to believe them.
  • How the molester, started to give Megan treats before he attempted to touch her.
  • His testing of her boundaries before he attempted to touch her.
  • How her innocence and her fear of her family influenced her vulnerability.
  • The ways the offender made her feel special, and made the place of abuse/assault “special.”
  • How she did not know if what she was doing was okay or not.
  • Her fear of being told upon.
  • Her experience at the police station.
  • The impacts and aftereffects that she dealt with after the experience.
Cheryl Burke

27:32 min.
Cheryl, when she was four, was groomed and abused/assaulted by a predator nanny/driver for over two years.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she was groomed by him, and he tested her boundaries.
  • Things he told her to build trust between them.
  • How she did not know how to be able to bring up how he was abusing him.
  • How difficult it is for her to even say the words of what he did to her.
  • How the abuse actually stopped.
  • Her experience in the court system.
  • Her guilt over not saying anything, and how she still feels it was her fault in some way.
  • What has helped her in dealing with the abuse.
  • How long it has taken for her to talk with her family.
  • What healing still needs to be done.

Incest

Marilyn Van Derbur

23:37 min.

Marilyn Van Derbur, a former Miss America, was sexually abused by her father from age five to eighteen.  Her sister was also abused, and when she spoke out about it she was sent to a boarding school, so Marilyn knew at a very early age that she was not to speak out about it.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she dissociated/split in order to cope with what was happening to her.
  • How she coped as a young person with her victimization.
  • What happened when she refused to deal with the secret of the incest.
  • The tool of isolation and its role in Marilyn’s life.
  • The importance of her relationship with her husband Larry, a young man who stuck by her and never betrayed her trust.
  • How she finally began to talk about the incest.
  • What it took for her to finally stop loving her father.
  • How she ultimately confronted her mother.
  • What was most important in her ongoing struggles with impacts and aftereffects of such prolonged abuse .
Nuna Mua

26:31 min.

Nuna’s father was physically abusive almost her whole life and began sexually assaulting/molesting her at age ten.  She was safe for a few years because he went overseas to serve in the military.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she tried to run away at age ten because of her father’s abuse, but was physically punished when she returned.
  • The tactics her father used to exert coercive control over Nuna and her family.
  • The fact that she cannot remember specifics of the early abuse because she went to her “happy place”.
  • How her father got her to keep silent.
  • Her body language as she recounts what happened to her.
  • How she kept the violent sexual assault episodes in the living room, hoping someone would find out.
  • How, even after many years, even when she thinks she has “come to terms” with the abuse, talking about it seems to make “it” worse.
  • How her whole demeanor changes when she says that he was arrested.
  • What her experience of the court system was… and what was supportive.
  • Her advice on telling or getting help.
Kayla Garriott

7:38 min.

Kayla, from the age of ten to seventeen, was sexually abused/assaulted by her father.  Her father is currently incarcerated in Maine State Prison.  Ms. Garriott created a non-profit called Breathe the AIR  (Abuse, Incest and Rape) which, as of 2021, no longer has an active web presence.  As part of her advocacy work for her non profit, she created this YouTube answering questions about incest to raise awareness and break the silence surrounding incest.  
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Her attitude about forgiveness and how the notion of it needs to be grappled with.
  • What she needed for the healing to begin.
  • What “getting back at him” means for her.
  • How important telling is, and her encouragement for others experiencing abuse to tell.
  • What helped her get through the past and remain strong.
Nancy Little

14:45 min.

Nancy was sexually abused/assaulted by her Mother. This is her presentation at a CASA luncheon.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How sexual abuse was intertwined with other forms of abuse and neglect.
  • The theme of protection throughout her story.  Who was to protect her?
  • How isolating it is to be the victim of an offender who is not often considered able to offend.
  • What behavioral disturbances she suggests as clues for adults in positions of authority who could have intervened to help her.
  • How important telling is, and her encouragement for others experiencing abuse to tell.
  • What helped her get through the past and remain strong.
  • The impacts and aftereffects of the abuse.

Family Child Sexual Assault/Abuse

Chiquila Berry

19:40 min.

Chiquila was first molested by a cousin and after injury to her privates and telling her mother which resulted in a trip to the hospital, that cousin denied doing it but he stopped. The second incidence of prolonged molestation was perpetrated by another family member progressed to oral sex at age seven.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she did not recognize what her cousin was doing was wrong, as he was grooming her.
  • That the first offender’s denial of his actions taught Chiquilla to be silent about it.
  • Her knowledge that it was wrong, but she was so young she just hoped someone would walk in on them because she could not talk about it.
  • The feeling that her childhood was stolen.
  • How hopeless she felt when nobody cared about her being alone in a room with an eighteen year old boy.
  • That he bribed her with money to stay quiet.
  • How an abuse victim thinks at least it was her rather than her sister.
  • What the aftereffects of the violation at such a young age were.
  • How she collapsed in the face of further assault and how she is trying to overcome this..
Jackie Hill Perry

8:57 min.
Jackie was seven years old, in first grade when she was sexually abused by her teenage cousin in a basement, when she was supposed to be being cared for. She is a author, teacher, poet, and emcee, and is quite eloquent about what happened how she is going through the healing process, and as a Christian how she walks with being a victim/survivor.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she does not remember the details of the
  • The words she uses to describe how trust is used by the
  • How it became a secret. How his evil was not her own.
  • That the only thing she could feel was guilt.
  • When and how she came to talk about her sexual abuse.
  • The importance of specifics to deal with what had happened.
  • How the healing only happened later with recognition of what had happened.
  • The impacts and aftereffects of being abused.
Keisha Head

A Darkness to Light Video
21:48 min.

At the age of four Keisha began to be sexual abused by adult cousins in her Aunt’s household where she lived. What followed was
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she was so young when the abuse began, she did not even know it was wrong.
  • That the cousins used threats against her to get her to not tell.
  • All the subsequent traumas that followed a child’s life of abuse and abandonment of her mother due to schizophrenia.
  • That once she was being prostituted.
IAm Brenda J

8:57 min.

 

Raped by her four “God brothers” one after the other when she was twelve years old after she fell asleep on the floor while they played video games.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she justified trusting her “God-brothers” because they were always overprotective.
  • That she “played asleep” while the rapes happened one after the other.
  • How she played dumb about the incident when it was over.
  • The emotions and silences that overcame her as she re-told the story.
  • The reaction of her “God-mother” after she told her.
  • How long it took to tell her mother.
  • How her claim to virginity was important even after she had been raped.
Hey Ms. Carter30:55 min.
Hey Ms. Carter was sexually molested around the age of six by an older female cousin. Though she already knew from her mother that touching the “no-no places” was wrong, she still was unable to resist her cousin. Later her step-mother’s brother touched her and tempted her to “have fun” on the floor.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • That she is grateful that her molestation was only two times rather than ongoing.
  • The details of the first incident, and how it has stayed with her to this day.
  • How perpetrator used the words of temptation to have fun.
  • How even though she knew it was wrong she was unable to tell her mother.
  • That she still did not even tell her mom when she was older and her step-mother’s brother touched her.
  • How when she shared with her sister who dismissed it, she dismissed it to.
  • Her reflection on why she did not tell, because the offenders were family and known.

Male Child Sexual Assault/Abuse    

King Galloway

13:54 min.

King Galloway, was forced into oral sex from the age of five, by an older cousin.  At age ten, a cousin convinced him to get in the tub and then forcefully molested him.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he has to justify saying yes, to taking a bath with his older cousin.
  • The level of convincing that had to happen in order to get King.
  • How scared he was to tell his Aunt what happened.
  • The reaction of his family to his telling about being molested, immediately and in the long term.
  • How many times he tries to explain being in a ten year old mindset.
  • The long term impacts and aftereffects of this violation.
  • His advice for others to talk about it, even though, it did not work for him.
Carl

17:31 min.

Carl was sexually abused by a variety of male trusted adults, starting with his Mother’s live in boyfriend, Jonathan, who gained his trust by watching cartoons with him and groomed him into compliance/silence by forcing him to know about his abuse of his sisters prior to initiating abuse with him.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How long it took him to tell anyone about the abuse.
  • That because sexual violations continued outside the home, he universalized all new situations as a threat to his sexual safety.
  • That isolation seemed like safety to him.
  • How often he describes ongoing impacts and effects, such as nightmares, a sense of imbalance, fear of stigmatization, over-protection of children he is around.
  • How fear of being called gay (he is not), or being accused of enjoying it silenced him throughout his life.
  • How many times he says “tell someone if this is happening to you” and how he emphasizes that there are good people, and there are people that can be trusted.
  • The impact of the fact that adults who were involved with his abuse are now dead.
Donald Peterson

31:39 min.

When Donald was six years old     Donald shares the sexual aftereffects of his early molestation, and is being a perpetrator of sexual abuse.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How is first, involuntary molestation, led to him being haunted by sex.
  • His sexual struggles as a child, and doing inappropriate sex acts with other children
  • How this molestation moved into an addiction to pornography and fantasy.
  • The role shame and confusion and forgetfulness and denial in growing.
  • How he ran from being accused of being gay.
  • How sex haunted him for his entire life.
  • The traumatic aftereffects of his coming to terms and acceptance of what he had been through.
  • The regrets he has.
Manassah

8:57 min.

 Manassah was sexually assaulted by a teacher, a trusted-adult, at the age of thirteen.  This one time abuse/assault, has had a profound impact on his life.  He shares his story through the 1 in 6 project about male sexual assault and abuse.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How certain details are very clear, but others have faded over the years.
  • That time has not alleviated the emotional nature of talking about teenage sexual abuse/assault.
  • His sharing that his innocence of sexuality was an aspect of his vulnerability.
  • How the teacher’s authority led him to comply with demands.
  • The silences that are necessary for him to talk about the worst aspects.
  • The real threat of being killed.
  • How he questioned his sanity, like maybe it did not happen.
  • The description of being in a Dali painting after the abuse/assault.
  • How his whole world had changed that day, but he was unable to talk about it with anyone.
iamSebastion

20:29 min.

Sebastion was molested by an uncle from the ages of six to twelve.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he is concerned with saying things “correctly.”
  • The lack of vocabulary to even explain or understand what was happening to him.
  • His uncle’s grooming tactics, and boundary violations to test access to him.
  • The narrative he constructed for himself was “cheating” on him
  • His silence and not telling was tied to not wanting to hurt others, or himself being a victim.
  • The fact that some people try to associate his abuse with his choice to be gay.
  • How long he remained silent, and how he overcompensated to deal with the “shortcomings” of his being.
  • The long term impacts and aftereffects of the abuse.
  • What helped him deal with the ongoing trauma.
Seth Shelley

Ted Talk
8:57 min.

Seth puts a frame on disclosure about child sexual abuse as it not being masculine.  His grandfather would say, “are you a man or a mouse?”  A friend of the family, took Seth, when he was a young teenager, into the basement of his family home and raped him.  This continued over the course of the summer.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How the ideal of masculinity in his community effected his whole abuse/assault experience.
  • How his whole world changed after he was raped the first time.
  • The phrases his abuser used to put the responsibility of the abuse/assaults on Seth.
  • How he was not prepared to meet a sexual attack from a friend, having always thought that bad things were done by bad strangers.
  • His confusion over what was happening to him.
  • How to stay silent, made him lose his own identity.
  • How in the end Seth came to believe how important it is for individuals to honestly tell the story of their lives and traumas.  And, conversely, how important it is for us to listen to individuals who have had traumatic experiences.

Family Violence Victims/Survivors
Victim/Survivor Stories

 

Survivors of Family Violence Abuse

Nitsy Charms

25:45 min.

Nitsy endured a life time of abuse by her coercive and physically abusive father and the harsh reality that her mother allowed this abuse and explained it away as this is what men get to do.  This is a good example of how culture can be used to justify abuse and coercive control.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she was taught not to talk back to men.
  • That her mother was complicit because she believed her husband was right and had all the power.
  • What coercive control measures he used in addition to physical abuse. opens in a new tab)
  • How much fear she had to live with all the time.
  • What it was like after she began to stand up to her abusive father.
  • How she reported her father for child abuse, and was involved.
  • What helped her deal with the issue.
  • How she was blamed by her family for destroying the family.
  • Her encouragement for anyone who is experiencing abuse to get free and talk about it.

 “Boogie2988”

13:26 min.

Boogie2998 was physical abused by mother from the age of 10 or so until late teenage times.  Father drank himself into a stroke.  Witnessed abuse of her brother and sister.  
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How he waited 10 years after his mother died to make a video about his abuse, even though he promised himself he would do it after she died.
  • How he had avoided abuse as a young child because his older brother and sister bore the brunt of it.
  • How he dissociated to cope with severe beatings.
  • That while the teachers at his high school knew that he was being beat, they did nothing effective to help him.
  • That his mother kept him silent with therapists by telling him that if he was taken away, she would kill him and herself.
  • What had helped him live through this severe abuse.
  • How his mother offered him food to make up for abuse.  And that bad food was actually part of the abuse.
  • That part of his coping process was to forgive her as she was dying.

Stefania Czech 24:54 min.

Stefania was physically and emotionally abused by her mother.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • How she never knew what would come next, and the fear and shame accompanied her throughout her childhood.
  • What it was like for a child to be told that she was not her mother’s child.
  • The details of emotional abuse and made her feel like she was repulsive.
  • Her inability to say that her mother hit her, even when a teacher asked her directly.
  • The real fear that if she stood up to her mother, she would be beaten to death.
  • How she seems to still be having bodily reactions when describing her mother almost killing her when she let the tub overflow by accident.
  • That flashbacks to the abuse just happen, and she does not always know how to deal with them.
  • How the extended family puts pressure on her to just forget about the abuse.
  • What has worked for her in adjusting to the abuse she experienced.
Christine Di’Amore

12:35 min.

Christine Di’Amore describes what it was like growing up with parents who were abusing each other and herself.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • Her reaction to the verbal and then physical abuse that occurred on a daily basis.
  • What feelings she integrated in reaction to the abuses.
  • The coercive control patterns that her mother used with her.
  • The erratic behavior of Jim when her Mom just decided that she would live with him.
  • How after having a baby, she realized how much abuse she had actually lived within.
  • What happened when she was able to tell about her abuse, and hold Jim accountable for what happened.
  • Her feeling like she had to parent herself.
  • Her advice to speak up and talk to someone about the abuse is happening.

 Child-Abuse Murder/Homicide

“Hockey Bum”

18:11 min.

“Hockey Bum’s” two year old daughter, Kaelyn, was killed by her live-in boyfriend who threw Kaelyn up against a wall, amongst other assaults.  Kaelyn was declared brain dead, and her mother took her off life support with the promise that she would try to protect other children from such a fate.
Survivor Impact Areas to Note:
  • The details of how innocent Kayelin was and her beauty.
  • Where Kaelyn she met her boyfriend, who had moved in seven months after
  • opens in a new tab)That there were warning signs from Kaylin– day care reported she did not want to leave with him.
  • How she found out about her daughter’s injury, and how she responded.
  • How her boyfriend tried to get “hockey bum” to lie for her.
  • The seriousness of Kaylin’s injury, and how much of the injury did not show up for a few days.
  • The questions that still linger in Kaylin’s mother.